A School for Santas

Last night we started into the pile of Christmas movies with the classic 1947 film Miracle on 34^th Street where a lawyer convinces the judge that his client, a Mr. Kris Kringle is, in fact, the one true Santa Claus. But we are still left with the mystery of compound Clauses. Who is the one true Santa Clause? My parents’ explanation was that Santa has many helpers. Plausible, perhaps, but you have to understand that it was easy to believe in one true jolly ol’ elf in my boyhood city of Chatham Ontario. Mom and I would trudge to the CPR station (now a parking lot) and watch the great one disembark from the train without questioning where he embarked. Then it was off to Eaton’s with its creaky wooden floors and distinctive aroma. We’d queue up on a long incline leading to the royal throne flanked by a large metal fan. It kept the poor fellow cool while we sweated out the final few moments mentally rehearsing for our brief Q&A with the big guy.

And it was that same Santa (whose real name was Earl) who showed up to bring the Anglican Parish Hall Christmas Concert to its festive finale in the singing of Jingle Bells.

Not all Santas are such a smashing success. The aforementioned Kris Kringle was an apt last minute substitute for an inebriated Macy’s Santa leading up to the cinematic Miracle. During the Depression, street side Salvation Army Santas were often unemployed clowns and carnies decked in ratty red bathrobes and outlandish beards you might find in the late Mr. Dressup’s tickle trunk.

Charles Howard was appalled at these sloppy substitutes. He was a serious Santa who worked the toy floor of a department store in Upstate New York. He powdered his skin, spritzed with peppermint perfume and faithfully curled his wig.

Howard condemned the others as incompetent and unprofessional. He wanted to teach them a lesson. And he did. In 1937 he founded the Charles Howard Santa Claus School in Albion New York. The course lasted one week. Tuition was fifteen dollars. His students graduated with a B.Sc. (Bachelor of Santa Claus). The school is still in business though it has moved from New York to Indiana. Santa Claus, Indiana.

There is a similar Santa School in Calgary Alberta where, according to their website, “Our professional Santa training will elevate your performance, sharpen your abilities and help you become the best Santa available.” The school was founded by Victor Nevada, who, until he retired in 2009 was deemed Canada’s Top Santa. He wrote a 536-page Santa Claus instruction manual “All About Being Santa”. It claims to be full of instruction and information; facts without the fluff.

I can only assume that readers learn Claus history and evolution. That would include the introduction of Sinterklass to North America, the descriptions of Washington Irving and Clement Moore, the depictions of Thomas Nast for Harper’s magazine and Norman Rockwell for the Saturday Evening Post. Santa wannabees delve into philosophy, props, crowd control, voice projection and movement.

I only hope that somewhere in the school’s syllabus they also offer a lesson about the kindness of a third-century bishop, Saint Nicholas, who was moved to display Christian faith by helping the needy, children in particular.

Under the red suit, black belt and boots, the mark of authenticity for any Santa, or saint for that matter, is quite simply a kind and generous heart.